mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Randomize
