girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
