he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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