1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
