WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
