it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
