You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
