We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
