I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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