i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
