she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dignity is for republicans.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
