When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
