i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
