I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize