I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
