My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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