I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
