I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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