Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
