god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
