We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
