I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
