I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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