those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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