He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
