dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
