Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
