I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
