I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize