My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
