She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
