ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
