So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
