Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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