Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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