and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
