I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
