I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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