just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
