Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
