She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
