the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
