Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
