So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
