thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I party with great urgency now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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