Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize