Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
