god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never underestimate the power of titties
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
