Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
