dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
