Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we're so committed to being not committed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
