I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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