I faked an abortion last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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