This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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