god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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