Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
