those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
