The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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