I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
