I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
