Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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