i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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