My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
