btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
