I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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