All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
