i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
