I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
