The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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