Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
