In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
