I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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