8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
