everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
