sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
