Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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